A prayer to push…

Standard
Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,

When our dreams have come true

Because we have dreamed too little,

When we arrived safely

Because we sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess

We have lost our thirst

For the waters of life;

Having fallen in love with life,

We have ceased to dream of eternity

And in our efforts to build a new earth,

We have allowed our vision

Of the new Heaven to dim.
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas

Where storms will show your mastery;

Where losing sight of land,

We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;

And to push into the future

In strength, courage, hope, and love.

I am marrying myself!

Standard

There are so many blogs and articles on who you should marry, what you should look for in a guy/girl and basically the order and steps to follow in life with regards to marriage. (Have those 10-step articles ever worked for anybody? Just wondering)

I am at the age where engagements and talks of marriage are on a record high. People feel the need to direct me towards my “perfect fit.” I haven’t been told anything about my eggs yet (thank God) but I feel that kind of talk is steadily on its way.

I don’t feel any pressure though. I find it all ludicrous to think we all will follow the same suit, as if it’s a rite of passage of being a woman.

Anyway, this talk made me feel happy and brought me closer to myself. It put things in perspective and made me value myself even more than I already do. Not in a vain kind of way, but to promise myself certain things and not long for them from someone else.

I will have more honest conversations with myself in order for me not to be misled by wish lists, fantasies, emotions and fleeting feelings.

So just like Tracy McMillan, I am marrying myself. (for now LOL)

At this moment, I am grateful for the internet. Her life lessons have become mine, with much less experience and lesser pain. I don’t have to go through what she has, but I can draw from her life story and become a better person for myself and my person.

I urge you to keep that long list of “wants” in a partner at the back of your mind and write yourself a letter of how kinder you can be to yourself.

As I write my vows, to myself…

Table for one, PLEASE

Standard

“Can I get a table outside, with a view?”
I just want to listen to my thoughts. I want to observe and introspect without looking in a glass mirror. I want to get away from the worldly noise. I want to watch the birds fly over the magnificent, vast ocean and see how simple life and its ecosystems transpire around me. I want to savour the quiet moments where I don’t have to think of the next project, who to connect with, what’s for supper or the next beauty appointment. I just want time alone, with me.
“I’ll have the three course meal and Earl Grey tea.”

table for 1
I wish to spoil myself, I deserve it. There are many things I can pat my back for, so I’m doing it over expensive cuisine. I shouldn’t wait for the next person to tell me to celebrate and live life. People are important but this moment of appreciation is just for me. I feel so calm, complete and happy.
Of course society won’t allow me to eat in peace. Her pathetic eyes are on me like a hawk and her pejorative murmurs louder than a construction site. What they see is someone with no love around or no family; a pretty picture that’s empty.
Ha! If only she knew! If she knew that my phone wouldn’t stop ringing with praise, if she knew how many invites I’ve had to reject, if she knew that I was tired of some fake smiles, if she knew how much chaos was all around, if only she knew. She would understand.
As my luck would have it, here comes a pompous Alpha, with his chest out and cologne clogging up my olfactory canal. In his head, he must be thinking that his presence will enhance my space rather than disrupt it. He tells me of my beauty, he asks if I’m expecting anyone. The shock, horror and sneaky sense of joy he gets when I tell him: “No.”
He invites himself to sit.
Didn’t he also come here alone? Doesn’t he want what I do? Does tranquillity mean anything to him? Does he know how much I have given up for this one moment?
I can’t have it ruined.
In a few hours, life and its constant whirlwind-like tendencies will take over. I have to decline because this beautiful occasion may not come again.
“I’m not lonely; I just want a table for one, please.”
Allow me.

Work, Get, Build

Standard

I read the book Eat, Pray, Love and it changed my life for the best. I completely followed Liz’s advice in principle…. well until a certain point. Weaning off a bond that looked good on paper was one of the toughest things I had to go through.

The courage that it takes to leave the life that you have planned for the life predestined for you is insurmountable.

I don’t know what kind of budget Liz had to travel the world but I’m still trusting God for it. My journey wasn’t as physical as hers, but I certainly went on a hundred in terms of the spiritual plane.

At the time when I read the book, I believed it was God speaking to me. It was the only way that He could because I only picked up the bible on a Sunday.

Fast forward to a wonderful, budding relationship with Him, I realised I needed wise words that came directly from Him, from His heart and mind about being a single woman.

Through meditation, He gave me three steps in Proverbs 24:27

  1. Finish your outdoor work
  2. Get your fields ready
  3. [after that] Build your house

There is a divine order to be followed. Many of us tend to skip the first two steps and rearrange the order. We do this because of our own desires, to fill certain voids or to speed through and get stuff to prove that we are “successful.”

According to the list, the first step that I am meant to do is to help others that are outside of my confines. It’s easy to do favours for people you love, but God has commanded us to feed the poor, spread the gospel and show genuine love to people. This means I have to help out at NGO’s, care for the environment and community at large. This is what God expects from all His children, for us to serve.

Secondly, I need to prepare my fields and make sure that they are ready. See, I am not a farmer so this step must allude to savings plans, investing, starting a business, growing relationships and networks etc. as this is what fields mean metaphorically in the word. I need to start investigating trust funds, comparing insurances, evaluating property markets and essentially create good ground for the next and final stage.

“After that” are words purposefully used to show that a lot of work goes into building a home before being completely financially and emotionally ready.

God wants me to be co-dependant, independent and interdependent. As single (and sometimes desperate) ladies we rush for the husband, children and white picket fence ideal as if we will never get there. We base our whole lives on the third step.

Through this, I have learned that He wants me to have compassion for others first, he wants me to lack nothing so that I can sow back in His kingdom and he wants me to be happy and have the life I deserve. He wants that for all of us.

But first things must come first and I am taking on the challenge with the end goal in mind. Who knows, while I am serving, or doing business and following God’s divine order, I may meet the person who I am to build a home with.

This ticks all the boxes on God’s list and gives me hope that I too get a sweet end to the stick.

Winning!

All about that BASS! – Meghan Trainor

Standard

Besides the banging blues beats that I absolutely love, it’s not often one sees a proverbial “fuller figured” caucasian singing about being meatier and bootylicious. I can’t speak for them (because I have a lot more melanin and meat), but the Western ideal of body image plays an gargantuan role in how ALL women view themselves.

I love how she doesn’t try to be a anything but original and fun! I hope the focus is on the rhythmic elements, the humour, satire and truth behind this song (as repetitive as it is).
With me things always deeper, but I’d hate to bore you. For those who don’t know her, she’s a newbie on the block. Meghan Trainor is her name and she also has a new single out called Dear Future Husband.
Enjoy!

 

I want to be right, ALWAYS

Standard

righteousnessIt’s not about winning; this is not a competition (well not this time around). I just want to be right, right with God and upright in His eyes. I see how much He values this trait and so I want to make Him happy and practice this.

Righteousness is so important to God. It takes a close second to love. Righteousness paired with justice is repeated so many times in the bible that I had to look into what an upright man is. I also noticed the many blessings that are always linked to striving and working towards being this “right person”. And boy do I want those!

Nothing comes for mahala and working towards righteousness is a full time job. Many temptations rise to meet the challenge, suddenly bribes become easily accessible and other devilish desires seem to sprout up at a heavier speed.

Nevertheless, this doesn’t take away from the fact that righteousness needs to be sought, broken down to simple acts and understood.

I received revelation of a well-known scripture in Matthew 6:33 that reads: “But seek ye first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

When I think of a kingdom, I always think of a castle, a throne, huge land, servants, a King, queen and princesses etc. Some of these metaphors are often used in the bible, so I’ve always believed this is what this verse alluded to.

I then remembered that the kingdom of God is actually righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost. I realised that the kingdom is not a location or fixed building but a condition of the heart. This means that one can enter the kingdom anywhere that the Holy Ghost is present.

Essentially, that verse then reads: “But seek ye first His [righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost] and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Righteousness is mentioned twice in one sentence, for emphasis. It isn’t a passive gift. It must be actively sought along with peace and joy. All the things that we want and need will naturally and easily be given to us. It’s guaranteed.

All this time, my focus has been on searching and hunting for these ‘things’ that are already provided for. Instead of righteousness, peace and joy, I’ve experienced misery, stress and anxiety – a complete opposite of what God has ordained for my life.

So I read Matthew 6:25-33 again, and this is what I gathered:

  • My groceries are sorted
  • Drinks are on His tab
  • Clothes, jewellery and other adornments are on His unlimited card

I don’t have to worry about a thing. I am His daughter, He loves me, will never forsake me and He will take care of me.

So now that I am aware, things have changed or at least starting to. My priority now is His Kingdom, entirely designed for my good and benefit. How is awesome is that?